The locks clicked open, and that soapy garlic thing came close again. He didn’t belong to one of the nine key physiological types. Bred out by poverty. A drone, and happy of it. I was unfastened from the radiator and urged to my feet by his hand under my elbow. Only when we were out of the room was the purpose of the visit explained.
‘Bathroom now,’ and he pushed and shoved me until I arrived in a small space made bright by electric lights. I dared to lock the door, then slowly came the confidence to remove the blindfold; I knew I’d have to retie it before I left and tried to learn the pattern of its folds as I took it off, laying it down gently as I did to leave it intact. The light scared me. Without opening my eyes, I felt first for the sink, and from there located the toilet. I wanted to sit down but couldn’t ’til I knew what was waiting for me. Slowly I adjusted to the light, looking down at the floor through the cracks in my fingers. The lino was so worn it had turned into loose patches scattered around the floorboards, and as I brought my gaze upwards, I could see that there was just one small window very high up above the bricked-in original. Everything hinted at it being my private facility. It comprised a matching chocolate brown suite of toilet, sink and bath, and a very cheap shower installed over the bath, connected to the taps by a rubber tube that looked like it had been manufactured for a different purpose.
I left the bathroom carrying the man for all seasons. I wasn’t going to spend another night stuck inside him, fastened to a radiator pumping out thirty degrees, and felt buoyed by my resolve. I wondered whether I’d ever be cold again.
Now, speaking of the toilette, I don’t want to put too much strain on the apprentice tramp’s slender budget, but if he can stretch to it, an invaluable addition to the essential kit must be a jar of Vick’s Vapour Rub. It is wonderful for blocking orifices and denying access to germs and allergens not to mention larger creatures. Besides which, it is entirely underrated as hair ointment, it providing both hold and a menthol bonus, and it will assist you in getting off to sleep at night – as if you’re being looked after by someone who cares for you.
As he fastened me back to the radiator, I found the courage to ask a question, and said in Pidgin English, ‘Piss pot, have you, please?’ and the halfwit replied:
‘What’s wrong with the bucket?’ and he grabbed my hand to touch the facility that until then, I had not noticed.
An hour later he returned with breakfast, which turned out to be a cold fried egg, a torn piece of soft unleavened bread, two apricots, and a tiny cup of very sweet tea. He placed the tray on the non piss pot side of me and said, ‘Breakfast, eat.’ I almost hitched up the blindfold to take a peak while he was still in the room. I sensed hate but he seemed disinclined towards capricious beatings. He was but a pious zealot. I decided it had to come off as soon as he’d gone but lost the taste for action as I heard him relock the door. I put my thumb under the blindfold and hitched it up above my right eye for a moment. It was daylight somewhere and so I shut my eyes and thought about that instead.
Dickie White's Diary 