In light of the overwhelming response to our A.I. Yuletide invitations competition, the scientists at Dickie White Enterprises, have had to postpone the planned launch of their latest invention: the long anticipated, male, backward-facing, sit-down, toilet arrangement (with free shelf) – The Malevac, for which you have probably noticed the recent advertising campaign:
mal-evac the backward-facing future of the man cave.
DON’T WORRY. It’s merely been pushed back to its originally-planned launch day (the latest addition to the pagan calendar, and far more appropriate) International Men’s Day – Respect & Well Appreciated to the High Priests at Hallmark Cards for that overdue innovation. In its short life to date, it has courted controversy in that the “rules of the day” require that all women must wear short skirts, wool tights, and boots, in our honour. As a progressive channel of invective, proud to hate everyone, but with a particular bias against horrible men, we really do find ourselves conflicted by that issue.
Meanwhile, on with the Yuletide fun. There were many good entries. But we’ve reluctantly chosen three winners from them, and given a couple of honourable mentions to a few others.
Boobar Bevlington a sit-com writer of Cumbria, who respected the eastern European angle of our predicament, and invited us to a Gdansk on Christmas Mourning, with a menu of Turkey, Ankara Butter and Black Sea Salt. Can’t waste to see her next work featuring robots.
The Mistress, a freelance, rare bird-fancier of Suffolk. (S)he invites us to a fate with cock-trails, mulled whine, a finger-Buffy table, and mints pi (to eight places). Don’t mind if I don’t, thanks.
And Bobby Danson, area table tennis champion (but of what area and when, Bobby?), and international adventurer, from “all over the place”, impressed us with his ability to conflate the dish, puttanesca; the respected international statesman; and the French swearword for whore; whilst delivering the entire piece in fluent Trump. Loved your signature pirouette and bark at the end too, Bobby. Sorry to hear they indicted you.
ВТШ, which one of the new Put-Bots is your favourite?
.
Also popular, were seasonal mis-readings of Hillbilly Christian-Nationalist, evangelicalism. We’d hate to exclude our Iron-Age friends from the fun, so Friend John has picked a few of his favourites, which we present anonymously, just in case God’s listening. Which, ВТШ She always is.
If you insist on celebrating the end of the darkest days of winter, do try to have fun. And, final ВТШ of the year – if the Trumpanzee gets re-elected, he has promised a Christmas Lockdown next year which, he says, will never end, so that we can be happy forever. Just like they are in North Korea and Heaven. Have a think about that, before your first batch of Stollen and egg nog.
Don’t lose faith. It’s not over ‘til the Fat Boy Slims.
Dickie White's Diary 
It’s that time of year that we think that we want all that stuff that we did last year again. I hope that that’s what you’re thinking also, that’s that it’s that happy time of year that we see all the people that we love and neighbours that we don’t know that well, but that that’s what that’s all about and all that.
LikeLike
Fantastic Yuletide edition.
Looking forward to the Cumbria sitcom…
LikeLike