19th March – At times like these when enemies can number more than friends.

Firstly, please note that we are open for business. We like to keep our pages open to comments, and in the old days, that meant ticking a box before posting. One day that option disappeared, but what WordPress failed to tell us, was that the facility remained available. They just hid it, and said nothing, like that time I tried to keep a Terry’s Chocolate Orange to myself for the entire Christmas holidays. Somewhere, deep in preferences and settings, lay the option to make all new posts open to comments. Nobody told us though. They thought it would be more fun if they left us to guess – after all that’s why they make us watch about twenty versions of their digical adverts per day – to reinforce their deeply engrained professional approach with us, their valued customers, not because they are feckless bullshitters, selling garbage to the gullible. I would leave, were it not for the fact that alternative service providers (service😊) are just as expensive, and just as bad. I would revert to spray-painting filthy invective onto freshly-pasted adverts in bus shelters, were it not for the fact that most billboard adverts in England at the moment already do it better than I’d manage, and most of them traduce Elon Musk (X marks the rot; 0-1939 in 3 seconds; white power assisted steering etc). I mean, anyone who takes on the pie-faced fascist, is on the same side as me.

Though there are plenty who aren’t… I am proud to say that I have never knowingly watched more than a segment, and maybe some News and documentary highlights, of the disgustingly self-satisfied Red Nose Day, broadcasts. For anyone not from these parts, RND is a place where telethons have ended up. Where “famous” comedians and light-entertainment “giants”, are prepared to let their hair, together with their professional standards [sic], down for an evening, to do some daft, poorly-scripted skits, and to play parlour games in the name of doing it for charity (imagine that deluded teacher on the last day of term).

The question I’d like to ask, at this stage of the lead-up to this year’s show, when we’re bombarded with hints and trailers as to what these generous, talented, people are prepared to do for us, the charity cases to whom they cater, is, where are all the terrorists right now? Look at that photograph, you could not hope to find a more unfunny bunch of coves [by which I mean cunts] more disproportionately enriched in comparison to their abilities, in the entire UK, if not the Western World. I know that Putin, aided by his halfwit-sidekicks, is planning to so something about all this medium term, but what of the rest, the more nimble, cut and run, light on their feet, terrorists? I’m not talking about professionals like Hamas, Hizballah, alt-Right European groups, I’m looking more towards fuckwits like the Shoe-Bomber, or the Jan6ers – biddable, lazy, idiots. You could throw a large towel over the celebrities in that pic and have them rounded up in a few seconds. I know that they have no hostage value, but surely you could coerce them into signing over half their wealth in exchange for releasing them on the undertaking that they never to show their face in public again? After which, both parties, having made their pact, dissolve into the ether. It’s the sort of thing Scott Mills would call a win-win, if he knew what that meant.

L A T E S T N E W S ….