17th Dec – Play your didgeridoo, Blue.

We have been overwhelmed by the letter in our mail sack, and feel that in light of all the interest, we must publish results of our latest competition ahead of the intended date.

First out of the sack, and received within a few seconds of the competition going live, was a correct answer from a Mulffy Badger from Otisfield, Maine. She correctly spotted the answers which are given below. We’ve since learned that there are several other, so-called, “correct and plausible” solutions, but, like my father used to say, they weren’t the ones that I was thinking of, so they don’t count.

Mulffy chose her U and A, to represent Unbroken Australian to which she appended a 😉. So, we immediately sent her on an all expenses spared trip to a remote part of Australia, installed her in a mid-range budget hotel, and went in search of someone who could fulfil the role of unbroken-mate.

I don’t know whether you’ve ever been to Australia, but say you were flying home to Europe from Sydney (which is not where Mulffy was staying), after an hour or so, the greener places, where everyone lives, start to give way to a sparse brown landscape; and about an hour into that, suddenly, from your aeroplane window, you see a little settlement below, remote, and desperate. It makes you think, “Who could possibly live there?” Then, once that is gone, and the scorched red earth settles into bare baked nothingness again, after maybe two more hours of flying, you start to discern feint lines drawn into the landscape. Eventually, you realise that you’re looking at roads. And then, out of nowhere, there’s another settlement. Your reaction is not so much, “Who could possibly live there?”; it is more, “How could anyone possibly live here?”

Well, that’s where we found him. The only male virgin over the age of thirty in the whole of Australia.

We persuaded him to take a luxury spa weekend at Mulffy’s motel, and presented him to her last Saturday night.

According to Mulffy, though raw in appearance, he wasn’t unacceptable. She reclined on the bed, wearing the green-hemmed negligee, which came free with her Duty Free litre of Midori, a small glass of the same on the bedside table beside her, waiting to cash her winnings. It was then, according to Mulffy, that her mate entered the room, and immediately began to move all the furniture in the room, making a pile of it in the far corner, by the mini-bar.

“What are you doing?” she asked him.

And he replied, “I may never have made love to a woman before, but if they’re anything like a kangaroo, we’d better make some room first.”

Said Mulffy, once she arrived back home, “As much as I enjoy a quiz that reinforces demagogue stereotypes, I think I’ll avoid those that reference pudenda, in future.”

Dickie White legal services would also like to extend their thanks to Mulffy’s willingness to compromise,, and confirm her free subscription to DW palladium level membership.