Easter Sunday 2026 – News of great joy, news of great mirth.

Rejoice! Rejoice! what more hopeful news could we have wished for in these troubled times, when wicked infidels conspire to close shipping and trade routes to the free God-loving Christians of the world, than this? Shipping routes, ВТШ, that were open and free to travel for anyone, just six weeks ago!

Paula White, our Dear Leader’s most insightful spiritual leader, has discovered evidence of a NEW VIRGIN BIRTH! And at Easter of all times, so it must be true! Not only true, but sent with the blessing of the first virgin birth, who will now, of course, be forever considered second, or first loser, virgin birth.

Listen to this for ground shaking evidence….

What she basically said there, as I understand it, is that Donald’s was a sort of miracle birth, like that of their fictitious (previous) Lord and saviour. Apparently, his mother was found in the attic of her husband’s mansion, to where she’d retired for a few years, with a haggis hanging from her fanny by the string with which it was bound. Someone, taking that string for an umbilical cord, mercifully cut it, and revived what appeared to be a grey, fleshy, lumpy and lifeless bag of offal, into what we know today as Donald J Trump, 47th president of the Unified Stations..

Meanwhile, our on-the-spot reporters from the caves at Mar-a-Lago have unearthed this evidence. Coincidence? We at DW Publishing don’t believe in conspiracies, but we don’t believe in coincidences either.