1st June – Li’l David was small, but oh my, He fought big Goliath, Who lay down an’ dieth, Li’l David was small, but oh my.

The Longfellow furrowed a brow and looked at him quizzically, ‘I mean it’s crap,’ said Cum-Bot.

11th May – Making good use of the things that we find, Things that the everyday folks leave behind.

They wouldn’t be so tolerant with a burning fag butt down the side of a slip-on, I can tell you that.

May 7th – Dreams will come and they will go, when the rain washes you clean, you’ll know.

This must be how it feels to live in a totalitarian state. To be a victim of ever declining standards where there is not a single person of discernment and authority to whom you can appeal.

May 5th – Drip, drip, drop, Little April shower, Beating a tune, As you fall all around.

Well, wouldn’t all this cogitating lead me to come up with a sort of rival theory to the Big Bang and religion?

25th April – She is wearing rags and feathers, From Salvation Army counters.

I could only find one serious review, I tell her, and I read from that. The reviewer calls it ‘borderline imbecilic,’ with chapters on shopping, picnics, and T-shirts, which he says are delivered with a sense of shame.

9th April – Who will tie it up with a ribbon, And put it in a box for me?

Now I find myself in a genuine predicament. I really cannot choose between suicide and arson.

April 5th – The concrete and the clay, beneath my feet begins to crumble.

Almost everything that everyone else says is not worth the air with which it is spoken, obviously.

29th March – Get sick, get well, Hang around a’ ink well

No sour grapes on my part when I say that the gatekeepers to literary stardom in this country would be incapable of judging who is the most cunning between Joey Essex and the Duchess of Sussex.

13th March – Help soldier celebrate his leave, Make every day like New Year’s Eve. Drinkin’ rum and Coca-Cola, Workin’ for the Yankee dollar.

There is a me in team. And there's only I in truth.

8th March – I polished up that handle so carefully, That now I am the Ruler of the Queen’s Navy.

I’ll lose my audience if I give them much more of the poor me. -You don’t want to sound like Meghan Markle, do you? Look how nauseating all that is.