31st Oct – Deutschland is happy and gay.

"What is it, you think, that makes you a writer?" “Well, when I meet someone new, I examine them until I’ve found out what it is I hate about them.”

1st June – I’m a cold Italian pizza, I could use a lemon squeezer.

And only then do the scales finally fall from their eyes, as they are forced to acknowledge the likely provenance of the strange umami flavour of the apero-snacks that had been served with their introductory two-for-one Prosecco package on arrival.