Come friendly bombs and fall on St George’s Park! It isn’t fit for humans now – the case for half-penalties.

Ruinous in the sense that the game, in all its important moments, has been taken over by book-learnt, plodding, computer assisted pedantry, that is the ONLY skill that these natural-born bureaucrats bring to the game.

16th Feb – Accent, you ate the positive.

It's as if Gary Lineker had sired a bastard offspring with Simon Armitage, and I had been shat out of The Poet Laureate’s breeches.

July 8th – I don’t drink coffee, I take tea, my dear. I like my toast done on one side.

'"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: I have already got me special beer goggles on, Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"