29th March – How can you say, I go about things the wrong way?

He has a point, although, to be fair, I did mention this at the beginning, when I called Proust a ponce. I wonder if he thought I meant nonce, not ponce? Too late now. And this isn’t an argument about 1984; it’s about sun and air. And suffocation.

16th Feb – Accent, you ate the positive.

It's as if Gary Lineker had sired a bastard offspring with Simon Armitage, and I had been shat out of The Poet Laureate’s breeches.