Feb 2nd -I’ve heard the gossip from the street to the slammer, they’re tryin’ to see if Dizzee stays true to his grammer.

^{How you diddling?}

I’ve had another idea for a novel.

It begins “I digress”. It’s as if the narrator has been talking before you join him, but you soon realise that it’s a warning/confession. He digresses constantly, seeming never to get to the point. Sometimes, a seam of narrative appears to establish itself, but, as soon as it does, he digresses again. The reader is entertained, mainly because the narrator digresses into funny anecdotes … it reminds me of the time that Uncle George tried to prove he could fly by jumping of Joe Johnson’s cowshed, etc…. but they become frustrated, thinking, will this story ever get back on track? Hints are given, and germs of a thread are hinted at, but the reader is never really given any traction with which to get into the story… until the last paragraph, when the reveal refers back to the first paragraph. A light goes on with the reader, who suddenly goes, “Aah, so that’s what it’s all about.” Obviously, I can’t tell you what that is here, because the internet is full of plagiarists, but it’s bloody brilliant.

So, what are the structural issues with this approach? It means that you are in the company of the narrator alone for the entire novel, which can become a bit wearing (and I should know, I live with him all the time); he can’t interact in direct speech with other people; all he can do to bring other characters to the novel, is to present reported speech, which of course is devalued, since it has been selected by him (the key to the novel will be to keep it ооооочень short))).

I don’t know about you, but I think that our established rules of grammar let us down in this regard. Direct speech and reported speech are presented in an identical way (or at least are presented consistently within any given text). This should change. Until a better symbol comes along, we should use ” … ” for “direct speech” and ‘…’ for ‘reported speech’. It’ll soon catch on. When, eventually, a new symbol is adopted, I (of course) suggest the Russian version for direct speech, because it is sufficiently different from those we currently use, whilst, crucially, somehow having something about it which suggests the live nature of direct speech. I say this as a «прекрасный ученик» (this status has recently been confirmed by a real teacher in Russia, so it’s true))). Good though, aren’t they? «…»

Of course, I will need to be rewarded for this brilliant idea. Given that it will transform literature and the written word for the rest of history from hereon, the fee I ask, I think, is modest in the circumstances. Think what Gutenburg would have charged if he’d have known? But I digress.

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