I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking at.
We have been overwhelmed by the letter in our mail sack, and feel that in light of all the interest, we must publish results of our latest competition ahead of the intended date. First out of the sack, and received within a few seconds of the competition going live, was a correct answer from a … Continue reading 17th Dec – Play your didgeridoo, Blue.
Yes, I know. The eagerly awaited next instalment re: what happened to the odious Iain Bon-Bon Collings is coming. In the meantime, please accept a commercial break. It helps keep the whole enterprise running, and hopefully, will enrich at least one of our loyal readers. We salute each and everyone of you, including those, who … Continue reading 12th Dec – got my feet on holy ground.
There are certain mouths so busy that no matter how many Strepsils their owner sucks, they can never quite keep pace with the number of dicks to which they do the same. In this way, strep, despite best intentions, are accidentally transferred in large numbers into the cock’s eye. And, so, before you know it, … Continue reading Nov 30th – out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum.
Do you remember when Friend John and I returned to the UK in the spring of last year? I can talk about this now that he has passed to the other side. I’d prefer to say, ‘Now that he is dead,’ but we do keep receiving emails from him in purgatory, so I guess, until … Continue reading Nov 16th – So, if you’re down on your luck, I know you’ll all sympathise…
So, I’ve heard from Friend John. Whether the message comes from limbo, or his fevered imagination before passing, it’s hard to tell. It’s his second message since meeting his end, and, given that he had virtually no followers to tune into his genius, I pass it on, to honour his memory. It may be AI, … Continue reading 28 Oct – Fifteen minutes with you, well, I wouldn’t say no.
You know how MAGA Republicans have strong branding, and are easily identified, whereas all normal people just seem to melt away into the background, unnoticed? Fake news. I don't have that many teeth. The ones I have, just happen to big that's all. They're the best teeth, the biggest teeth. Nobody's got teeth like this. … Continue reading ADVERTISING FEATURE
We haven’t spoken about him for a long time, but Friend John appears to be no longer capable of sustaining life. Dead, in other words. His blog posts indicate that he may well have taken a self-administered departure. ‘Each day, as soon as I return,’ they say, ‘I cancel the scheduled posts I’ve set up … Continue reading Oct 14th —The first cut is the deepest.
My pet wasp died yesterday. He didn’t have a name, and we didn’t cuddle up together, but he was no less a pet for all that. We met about 2 months ago or so. I gave him some pieces of apple, and he adored it. It took him a few days to work his way … Continue reading 4th Sept – You are the apple of my eye, forever you’ll stay in my heart.
Do you know the story of King Canute? Hardly anyone does. It goes a bit like this: Canute, so frustrated by the sycophants and pygmies in his court –who claimed divine powers on his behalf- tried to persuade them otherwise. To make his point, he had them take his throne to the seaside, so that … Continue reading 5th Aug – Hurry on sundown, see what tomorrow brings.
I squeezed a massive spot behind my ear the other day. It was probably a day off being absolutely ripe, nevertheless, or perhaps because of that, it was, by a country mile, the most satisfying thing that’s happened to me in the last five years. No, I tell a lie, seven years. Before I’d even … Continue reading July 16 – Le Freak, c’est chic.
Dickie White's Diary 