Cleaned myself: 0
Monkey see, monkey do: 0
Tics: Please God forgive me, has morphed into, I’m a fucking wanker, again.
Believe in God? Despite evidence NO
YTLH: more lifestyle choices really.
Like many people, I will be coming out of this period of coronavirus thinner, and enhanced. I am now so practiced at brushing my teeth whilst pissing that it has become second nature. And, I might add to that, doing it without my bum-bum showing. I’m sure that mother has come to rationalise that moment she saw me from behind when I was still a mere novice at the art, as having caught me in the act of abluting, and that is what explains the little pile of special flannels that arrived the other day. I mean no harm to her when I say that I hope that a sharp and noxious aroma of ammonia still lingers in her bathroom, for though cleanliness is next to Godliness, justice trumps all.
Just a thought: does the acid in urine add to overall Covid-security? If so, and I could learn to wash my hands in the effluent at the same time, I’d be pretty much untouchable as 2020 success stories go.
I find myself thinking that it is as well that I have become accomplished in such skills before I meet say, Julia Louis Dreyfuss, who then invites me into her life; but then I realise, were I to meet her, it would be on equal terms because by then I would have a sort of producer/director/writer thing going, and I’d be an international commodity in my own right. She might just as easily be staying at my place, or perhaps even, in one jointly owned/rented with his-and-hers bathrooms. Whichever is the case, I will bring with me a few bars of patchouli and oud scented soap to the new relationship. It gives you an air of insouciant prosperity.
Posters advertising auditions for the pageant have been distributed in a concentrated fashion within this end of town. All proceeds, plus a discretionary ex-gratia cheque from Cressington Park Motors, will be sent to the charity of whatever it turns out to be that Orville is suffering from. We expect to hear from his defence lawyers shortly.
Many thanks to Austrian National Library for the image.
Dickie White's Diary 
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