Sept 18th – We’ll make a scene about a man that’s sad and lonely, Begging down upon his bended knee, I’ll play the part but I won’t need rehearsing, All I’ll have to do is act naturally

Cleaned myself: 0
Monkey see, monkey do: 0
Tics: –
Believe in God? N
YTLH: 0.5 – 1.25

Well, Stephen Nolan’s Tenet, to give it its proper title. I think I have to align myself with the majority view here, so … I, Richard White, being of fetid mind and pus-filled body, do make oath and say as follows: if I could have heard what was going on, I still wouldn’t have understood it.

Sit down, him rockin’ the boat.

But that wasn’t what was bad about the experience. Nor was Covid-insecurity. Oh no my friends. Do you know that feeling when you get to see yourself in a photograph – I may have said this elsewhere here, I don’t recall, but you know the feeling, when you see your little facial features occupying a tiny circle in the centre of a mass of flesh, and everyone goes, ‘I think it’s a good picture of you actually.’ You know that? OK, now picture yourself in the Pictures, when a picture of you appears on the screen. THEN STARTS TALKING. Out of that little black hole in your head.

It was recorded at that time when I was egg-bound and struck down by gastral challenges. Not sleeping, I woke in the night and made it, then in my delirium I sent it to Pearl & Dean. Me alone. Nothing whatsoever to do with Roger Hunter and his prestige cars (bar the closing still which was a snapshot of the forecourt). It was me, about me, and I did this:  I began by identifying myself, then said, ‘I would like to apologise to anyone I’ve ever met, or any other life I’ve crossed.’ Go to still of garage forecourt. End of advert. Someone laughed. Most people looked at each other, shrugged, ‘what was that?’ then carried on. I did something similar in reverse – I glanced shyly at Big Tooth, shrugged apologetically and carried on. She wasn’t the one who’d laughed.

I know what it is to look into the face of shame, but it was the first time I’d seen him staring back.

The silent walk home was ended when Big asked, ‘has daddy seen it?’ To which I replied, ‘it’s part of a series.’ Obviously, I want to get the ad swapped out for an alternative, not just to push what we saw tonight into the past, but to replace the silence with which it is currently being considered, with an intellectual analysis of a crazily original ad campaign, so I next said, ‘would you like to come in for eggs turmeric a la salmonell’? It’s not a night for jokes, but it is a night to keep bad news close.

I need to get it sorted before the rule of six reverts back to rule of roost.

Thanks to Angel Origgi for the image.