12th Sept – A lassie took me to a ball, And it was slippery in the hall, I was afraid that I would fall, ‘Cause I didn’t have on my troosers.

I will resist by constructing an argument based on social distancing, even though it’s the origins of girl power that compels me.

3rd September – Don’t know why, there’s no sun up in the sky.

‘It’s gone a bit tits?’ wonders Noel, and God tells him, ‘not really. It’s more like deciding to have a new hairstyle, and doing it from square one.’

30th August – Are you happy are you sad? Feeling good or feeling bad?

I’ll start with Mad Cows Disease, then move on through Global Warming and Foot & Mouth to end up with Covid, drawing in a neat parallel to Noah and the flood, and posing the question: are we ready for a new (or the first) Messiah?

August 29th – Les journaux sont imprimés, Les ouvriers sont déprimés

There has been an incident. It may yet affect my consumer rights in a proposed retail action, so for the moment it must remain sub judice.

August 15th – Just like Humpty Dumpty, I’m going to fall. And I’m sitting on top of the world, Just rolling along, rolling along.

It is more akin to taking the kinks out of a garden hose. Hence, rising from a sitting position can undo all the good you’ve done in but a short motion.

August 13th – It’s a thousand pages, give or take a few, I’ll be writing more in a week or two.

There was nothing that he or his staff could do about it. That’s not quite true of course, because the chain of causality can be chased back to me.

August 8th – The time to hesitate is through, No time to wallow in the mire.

There’s something casual and half-arsed about it, as if a bunch of nine-year-olds have been given free reign to organise their own party, and on arriving suddenly realise that no one’s done it for them.

July 31st – Sunny day, sweeping the clouds away, On my way to where the air is sweet.

I went to collect mine at the Telegraph Office, and pass it on here for those of you who are beyond the reach of the telegraph poles.

July 30th – She was born in spring, but I was born too late.

She’s karma, energy, balance, I don’t know her name, but I know what it feels like when she comes to dispense justice.

July 27th – I am he as you are he as you are me, And we are all together.

Some have talked about experiencing a transcendent sensation about halfway through.